I'm back! After many moons of silence I've decided, once again, to plaster my thoughts across the world wide web.
Frankly, I'm ready to boycott Christmas. I'm tired of this "holiday". As a child it was my favorite, looking back I now see why. Ummm....the presents, the candy, the "what's in it for me?". Now I see the same looks on my children's faces. I hear the same words come out of their mouths. I now see I am raising a generation of self-focused, self-centered, the holiday is about me children!
Tonight my youngest was sitting on my bed "helping" me fold the laundry. She was very focused on folding a washcloth just so (for 10 minutes), when she looked up at me and asked, "Mommy, why am I here?"
"Think brain!" I hissed to myself. "Don't screw this up! You have an opportunity to be cool, to sound wise, to impress upon your daughter the wonders and mysteries of the universe. Don't mess this up!"
"Ummm..." I said, slowly looking up at her, my heart thumping loudly. "I don't know. What do you mean exactly here?" (Brilliant, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes.)
"You know" she continued, dragging each word out slowly. "Why...am...I...here?" Then she looked at me pointedly. Like, come on mom. You can't be that slow. This is not a hard question.
"Because God loves you." Came a quick response. Safe, I told myself, pride filling my chest. That was a good, safe answer.
"I KNOW that one mom." Came an even quicker response. A look of disbelief crossed her face. Was her mom really that slow? I could see she was beginning to wonder. "But why did he put me here? You know, here at this time, at this place?" she asked again as she patted the bed.
My mouth dropped open a little. I didn't read about this moment in my What to Expect When You're Expecting book. A silent scream escaped my lips, sounding a lot like a sigh. What do I say to that one? I know! I'll divert her attention and throw in something sweet! Good plan! I congratulated myself.
"I don't know Abbs, that is one good question. Isn't there a cartoon on you want to watch? Want some hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows?"
Whew! Where do they come up with these questions?
But it got me thinking. Why are we here? Did God create humanity, send his son to be born, to walk in our shoes awhile, die, defeat death and return to Heaven so that we could make a holiday out of it? It's like God has started tapping me on the head at this time and saying, "Hey, remember me?" I don't think this is what he wants from us.
My natural self is fighting with my new self. Natural wants things to be like they always were. New, knows that's not possible and is pushing for something to change. Natural reminds me of all the upset that will happen if I say "no" to Christmas American style. New reminds me it's not about me.
So many questions swirling around in my brain! What do I do with this knowledge? What will my Christmas look like next year? How far do I go against my other half to push this? What am I teaching my children? Is this why Christmas is no longer joyful? Can I look at my Christmasness and say that I have followed Christ's example? Why am I here?
I hope that as the year progresses, as I head into a new year, that God will keep tapping my heart and asking, "Hey, remember me?"
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Curriculum...what's that?!
School has begun and I am a total mess. A basket case extraordinaire! I've gone from not working at all to three straight weeks of 9-12 hour days. Why. Because! That's what teachers do!
We work super hard to get the room ready. Checking and rechecking files and CRs. Taking inventory of our classroom materials. Dusting and cleaning. Organizing, labeling, creating rules and procedures. Enduring long "helpful" inservice meetings that will make us "better" teachers. We spend three to four hundred dollars buying supplies for our children. (These replace the ones they lose or don't bring at all.) Slaving over the strict demands of our curriculum. Striving to create a lesson plan that anyone could understand and follow. Checking and double checking, "did I hit all the state standards?" Asking ourselves, "Did I create a lesson that teaches to all facets of learning?" "What will I do to reteach those that did not learn it?" Just typing this is making my heart pump faster and my eyes go wide.
And do the kids notice? NO! Do the parents notice? NO! All they care about is, did the teacher get the room looking pretty? As long as the room looks nice...she must be a good teacher!
Seriously. If I took a poll and asked parents: "was your child's teacher 'ready' for the first day of school?" Most would say yes. If I asked them why, they would probably give an answer that had something to do with the aesthetics of the room. If I asked: "Have you ever looked at your child's curriculum?" I bet most would say no. I bet they don't even know there is a curriculum! I wonder if they think we make it up as we go along?
Can you imagine what would happen to our culture if all parents took an interest in their child's learning? Hmmm....I know, I know. Wishful thinking from a frustrated, "I can't believe it's August again" teacher.
We work super hard to get the room ready. Checking and rechecking files and CRs. Taking inventory of our classroom materials. Dusting and cleaning. Organizing, labeling, creating rules and procedures. Enduring long "helpful" inservice meetings that will make us "better" teachers. We spend three to four hundred dollars buying supplies for our children. (These replace the ones they lose or don't bring at all.) Slaving over the strict demands of our curriculum. Striving to create a lesson plan that anyone could understand and follow. Checking and double checking, "did I hit all the state standards?" Asking ourselves, "Did I create a lesson that teaches to all facets of learning?" "What will I do to reteach those that did not learn it?" Just typing this is making my heart pump faster and my eyes go wide.
And do the kids notice? NO! Do the parents notice? NO! All they care about is, did the teacher get the room looking pretty? As long as the room looks nice...she must be a good teacher!
Seriously. If I took a poll and asked parents: "was your child's teacher 'ready' for the first day of school?" Most would say yes. If I asked them why, they would probably give an answer that had something to do with the aesthetics of the room. If I asked: "Have you ever looked at your child's curriculum?" I bet most would say no. I bet they don't even know there is a curriculum! I wonder if they think we make it up as we go along?
Can you imagine what would happen to our culture if all parents took an interest in their child's learning? Hmmm....I know, I know. Wishful thinking from a frustrated, "I can't believe it's August again" teacher.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
AHHHHH!
(Start humming the Jaws theme song)
School!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!! School starts tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
School!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!! School starts tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Community
Community. Saying this word immediately makes me think of neighbors. Which sends my thoughts spiraling towards Mr. Rogers. Never the less, whenever I thought of this word, or heard someone say it, I never thought to put it with church.
Crossings (my totally rockin place to meet with other Christ followers) was the first "church" that talked about community and what it meant. I was told that community is when others and myself purposely take an interest in each others lives (excuse the poor paraphrasing). It sounded awesome! Where do I sign up?!
Today, I experienced community. And from this experience, it opened my eyes to all the community that had been taking place and I was simply ignorant of it! I can hear you ask, "How did you experience community Carrie?" Good question.
We started this day heading off to the pool. We met people from Kid City there to swim and eat PB&J and hot dogs. It was great! A whole afternoon of swimming and getting to know the people whose children I see every Sunday. I met people that had we been somewhere else, I probably would not have started a conversation with them. How cool that God brings together all kinds of people to be his body!
Then tonight my friends, Erin and Jason...oh yes and my good buddy Eli...came over to my house to mow my lawn. They also fixed supper and brought it with them. Erin and I had fun talking while the kids played outside and on the computer. Jason mowed the lawn and made it look effortless. (How do guys do that?! He didn't even look like he had done anything when he came in. When I mow, I come in all red faced and pass out on the floor next to the box fan!)
Sorry...where was I? Oh yes, the lawn...supper...conversation...it was so awesome! It wasn't that I can't mow the lawn. Can I mow the lawn you ask? Of course, been doing it all summer. But tonight it was done for me, without complaint. There was a smile on Jason's face and he seemed truly happy to do it. I had a need, and he took care of it. Sound familiar? (Read the first couple of chapters in Acts)
I know this will not speak to some of you that read this. And I know that some of you are wondering what the big deal is. I guess this simple act of taking care of something I absolutely hate doing scraped some of the film off my eyes.
(Light bulb) Oh yeah, I remember what Jesus wanted us to be about - each other.
Thanks Jason and Erin!
Crossings (my totally rockin place to meet with other Christ followers) was the first "church" that talked about community and what it meant. I was told that community is when others and myself purposely take an interest in each others lives (excuse the poor paraphrasing). It sounded awesome! Where do I sign up?!
Today, I experienced community. And from this experience, it opened my eyes to all the community that had been taking place and I was simply ignorant of it! I can hear you ask, "How did you experience community Carrie?" Good question.
We started this day heading off to the pool. We met people from Kid City there to swim and eat PB&J and hot dogs. It was great! A whole afternoon of swimming and getting to know the people whose children I see every Sunday. I met people that had we been somewhere else, I probably would not have started a conversation with them. How cool that God brings together all kinds of people to be his body!
Then tonight my friends, Erin and Jason...oh yes and my good buddy Eli...came over to my house to mow my lawn. They also fixed supper and brought it with them. Erin and I had fun talking while the kids played outside and on the computer. Jason mowed the lawn and made it look effortless. (How do guys do that?! He didn't even look like he had done anything when he came in. When I mow, I come in all red faced and pass out on the floor next to the box fan!)
Sorry...where was I? Oh yes, the lawn...supper...conversation...it was so awesome! It wasn't that I can't mow the lawn. Can I mow the lawn you ask? Of course, been doing it all summer. But tonight it was done for me, without complaint. There was a smile on Jason's face and he seemed truly happy to do it. I had a need, and he took care of it. Sound familiar? (Read the first couple of chapters in Acts)
I know this will not speak to some of you that read this. And I know that some of you are wondering what the big deal is. I guess this simple act of taking care of something I absolutely hate doing scraped some of the film off my eyes.
(Light bulb) Oh yeah, I remember what Jesus wanted us to be about - each other.
Thanks Jason and Erin!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Random thoughts...
I'm sitting here in my kitchen, listening to my girls play in their room. I'm trying to collect my thoughts as they bounce around my brain. So maybe if I put them down in cyberspace, they'll settle down so I can sleep.
Here it goes...
1. I just finished paying most of our bills. I once was rich, but now I'm poor. (sigh)
2. I need to go work in my room tomorrow. I start back to work Monday and I NEED to go arrange things in my room so I can start planning. I simply cannot focus on lesson plans if my room is not put together! And, contrary to popular belief, all next week will be spent in meetings from 8 am to 3 pm telling us what we need to do and how we need to do it. Fun, fun everybody - any takers?
3. I received a call today from a friend. She wants to meet for lunch. I really am excited to see her! However, see number 2.
4. Shark week is on and I'm sitting here typing.
5. My grass is so high my dog gets lost in it.
6. I have two light bulbs - that's right TWO- that blew. No big deal right? Wrong. When I took them out to replace them, the light bulb came out, but not the silver thing that screws into the light bulb plug.
How does this happen? And two in a row?!
7. I need to do laundry.
8. I need to clean my house.
9. I need to go to the grocery store. The fridge is looking a little bare. Think Old Mother Hubbard.
10. I need to make a list of all supplies needed for my classroom.
11. I need to make a list of all the tasks I need to do next week. (GROAN!)
12. I need one more week of summer.
13. Only four more weeks until my beloved comes home!
14. I need to make a "honey-do" list for when he comes back. I wonder if he'll be mad about the grass?
Okay, I've got to stop!
Well, that didn't work. Now, not only are the thoughts in order, they are there starring me in the face. Great.
On a total side note, that has nothing to do with anything at all...
Did you know that if you flip a shark over on it's back it becomes comatose? Kinda like Jake.
Here it goes...
1. I just finished paying most of our bills. I once was rich, but now I'm poor. (sigh)
2. I need to go work in my room tomorrow. I start back to work Monday and I NEED to go arrange things in my room so I can start planning. I simply cannot focus on lesson plans if my room is not put together! And, contrary to popular belief, all next week will be spent in meetings from 8 am to 3 pm telling us what we need to do and how we need to do it. Fun, fun everybody - any takers?
3. I received a call today from a friend. She wants to meet for lunch. I really am excited to see her! However, see number 2.
4. Shark week is on and I'm sitting here typing.
5. My grass is so high my dog gets lost in it.
6. I have two light bulbs - that's right TWO- that blew. No big deal right? Wrong. When I took them out to replace them, the light bulb came out, but not the silver thing that screws into the light bulb plug.
How does this happen? And two in a row?!
7. I need to do laundry.
8. I need to clean my house.
9. I need to go to the grocery store. The fridge is looking a little bare. Think Old Mother Hubbard.
10. I need to make a list of all supplies needed for my classroom.
11. I need to make a list of all the tasks I need to do next week. (GROAN!)
12. I need one more week of summer.
13. Only four more weeks until my beloved comes home!
14. I need to make a "honey-do" list for when he comes back. I wonder if he'll be mad about the grass?
Okay, I've got to stop!
Well, that didn't work. Now, not only are the thoughts in order, they are there starring me in the face. Great.
On a total side note, that has nothing to do with anything at all...
Did you know that if you flip a shark over on it's back it becomes comatose? Kinda like Jake.
because my mom said so...
I'm back. (you should be smiling now Jason)
I seriously considered NOT blogging ever again. I was on the verge of deleting it all and walking away.
Why you ask?
Because, who wants to read the ramblings of a 31 year-old mom living in MASCOT, Tennessee? Seriously! Who has time to read this stuff?!
My mom that's who.
So, I'm back. (If you will indulge me this brief comparison...) If my writing is like food...when you come to the table, sometimes you will see PB and J(crust removed of course). Sometimes you will see a full meal complete with dessert. And, sometimes you will see burnt toast.
Bon Appetit!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
What time is it?
Summertime! It's my vacation! (Yes, I own High School Musical one AND two)
Tomorrow is my last day of teaching. I want to say that I'll miss my children, want them again next year, sad to see them leave. That would be a lie. In all truthfulness... I can't wait to see them leave! Can I send them home sooner?! Don't judge me too harshly. Come walk a day in my shoes (size 6 1/2) I am worn out completely. There is nothing left to give but a hug and "have a good summer".
Speaking of summer...a time of renewal and sunblock. I love this time. For six weeks I get to do whatever I want! As long as I don't drive anywhere...gas is too expensive! I am so excited!
Only ten more days until I see my beloved again! I can't wait! I must admit I am a tad nervous. What do you say to someone you've had little (and I mean little) contact with for six weeks? This is not a made for TV movie here. There won't be any orchestra music playing in the background. More than likely I won't recognize him in his uniform. I...I... sigh.
Sometimes I can't get past the little things. They seem silly to say out loud, but they are real fears to me. For example my daughter (I'm not going to name which one in case she ever reads this)
"mom"
"yes dear"
"I don't want to have my tonsils taken out"
"does your throat hurt?"
"No, I just don't want to have them taken out"
"I don't think you need to worry about that right now, I still have mine"
"I know, it's just, I know it will hurt and I don't want to do it"
She was totally worrying about things beyond her control AND things that haven't happened yet or things that might not even happen. I personally think it is silly to worry about having your tonsils taken out, but that was a real fear to her at the time. All I could do was shake my head and wonder why she was so worried.
I don't know what's going to happen when I go to Texas, I have no control over what will happen, it's not even happened yet. Go back to my top ten list and read number nine... I am a worrier.
I wonder if God just looks at me and shakes his head with a small smile. "there goes that Carrie again, worrying about what she can't control. Doesn't she know I AM? Oh child, relax and let me handle it."
Okay Abba.
Tomorrow is my last day of teaching. I want to say that I'll miss my children, want them again next year, sad to see them leave. That would be a lie. In all truthfulness... I can't wait to see them leave! Can I send them home sooner?! Don't judge me too harshly. Come walk a day in my shoes (size 6 1/2) I am worn out completely. There is nothing left to give but a hug and "have a good summer".
Speaking of summer...a time of renewal and sunblock. I love this time. For six weeks I get to do whatever I want! As long as I don't drive anywhere...gas is too expensive! I am so excited!
Only ten more days until I see my beloved again! I can't wait! I must admit I am a tad nervous. What do you say to someone you've had little (and I mean little) contact with for six weeks? This is not a made for TV movie here. There won't be any orchestra music playing in the background. More than likely I won't recognize him in his uniform. I...I... sigh.
Sometimes I can't get past the little things. They seem silly to say out loud, but they are real fears to me. For example my daughter (I'm not going to name which one in case she ever reads this)
"mom"
"yes dear"
"I don't want to have my tonsils taken out"
"does your throat hurt?"
"No, I just don't want to have them taken out"
"I don't think you need to worry about that right now, I still have mine"
"I know, it's just, I know it will hurt and I don't want to do it"
She was totally worrying about things beyond her control AND things that haven't happened yet or things that might not even happen. I personally think it is silly to worry about having your tonsils taken out, but that was a real fear to her at the time. All I could do was shake my head and wonder why she was so worried.
I don't know what's going to happen when I go to Texas, I have no control over what will happen, it's not even happened yet. Go back to my top ten list and read number nine... I am a worrier.
I wonder if God just looks at me and shakes his head with a small smile. "there goes that Carrie again, worrying about what she can't control. Doesn't she know I AM? Oh child, relax and let me handle it."
Okay Abba.
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