I'm back! After many moons of silence I've decided, once again, to plaster my thoughts across the world wide web.
Frankly, I'm ready to boycott Christmas. I'm tired of this "holiday". As a child it was my favorite, looking back I now see why. Ummm....the presents, the candy, the "what's in it for me?". Now I see the same looks on my children's faces. I hear the same words come out of their mouths. I now see I am raising a generation of self-focused, self-centered, the holiday is about me children!
Tonight my youngest was sitting on my bed "helping" me fold the laundry. She was very focused on folding a washcloth just so (for 10 minutes), when she looked up at me and asked, "Mommy, why am I here?"
"Think brain!" I hissed to myself. "Don't screw this up! You have an opportunity to be cool, to sound wise, to impress upon your daughter the wonders and mysteries of the universe. Don't mess this up!"
"Ummm..." I said, slowly looking up at her, my heart thumping loudly. "I don't know. What do you mean exactly here?" (Brilliant, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes.)
"You know" she continued, dragging each word out slowly. "Why...am...I...here?" Then she looked at me pointedly. Like, come on mom. You can't be that slow. This is not a hard question.
"Because God loves you." Came a quick response. Safe, I told myself, pride filling my chest. That was a good, safe answer.
"I KNOW that one mom." Came an even quicker response. A look of disbelief crossed her face. Was her mom really that slow? I could see she was beginning to wonder. "But why did he put me here? You know, here at this time, at this place?" she asked again as she patted the bed.
My mouth dropped open a little. I didn't read about this moment in my What to Expect When You're Expecting book. A silent scream escaped my lips, sounding a lot like a sigh. What do I say to that one? I know! I'll divert her attention and throw in something sweet! Good plan! I congratulated myself.
"I don't know Abbs, that is one good question. Isn't there a cartoon on you want to watch? Want some hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows?"
Whew! Where do they come up with these questions?
But it got me thinking. Why are we here? Did God create humanity, send his son to be born, to walk in our shoes awhile, die, defeat death and return to Heaven so that we could make a holiday out of it? It's like God has started tapping me on the head at this time and saying, "Hey, remember me?" I don't think this is what he wants from us.
My natural self is fighting with my new self. Natural wants things to be like they always were. New, knows that's not possible and is pushing for something to change. Natural reminds me of all the upset that will happen if I say "no" to Christmas American style. New reminds me it's not about me.
So many questions swirling around in my brain! What do I do with this knowledge? What will my Christmas look like next year? How far do I go against my other half to push this? What am I teaching my children? Is this why Christmas is no longer joyful? Can I look at my Christmasness and say that I have followed Christ's example? Why am I here?
I hope that as the year progresses, as I head into a new year, that God will keep tapping my heart and asking, "Hey, remember me?"
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Curriculum...what's that?!
School has begun and I am a total mess. A basket case extraordinaire! I've gone from not working at all to three straight weeks of 9-12 hour days. Why. Because! That's what teachers do!
We work super hard to get the room ready. Checking and rechecking files and CRs. Taking inventory of our classroom materials. Dusting and cleaning. Organizing, labeling, creating rules and procedures. Enduring long "helpful" inservice meetings that will make us "better" teachers. We spend three to four hundred dollars buying supplies for our children. (These replace the ones they lose or don't bring at all.) Slaving over the strict demands of our curriculum. Striving to create a lesson plan that anyone could understand and follow. Checking and double checking, "did I hit all the state standards?" Asking ourselves, "Did I create a lesson that teaches to all facets of learning?" "What will I do to reteach those that did not learn it?" Just typing this is making my heart pump faster and my eyes go wide.
And do the kids notice? NO! Do the parents notice? NO! All they care about is, did the teacher get the room looking pretty? As long as the room looks nice...she must be a good teacher!
Seriously. If I took a poll and asked parents: "was your child's teacher 'ready' for the first day of school?" Most would say yes. If I asked them why, they would probably give an answer that had something to do with the aesthetics of the room. If I asked: "Have you ever looked at your child's curriculum?" I bet most would say no. I bet they don't even know there is a curriculum! I wonder if they think we make it up as we go along?
Can you imagine what would happen to our culture if all parents took an interest in their child's learning? Hmmm....I know, I know. Wishful thinking from a frustrated, "I can't believe it's August again" teacher.
We work super hard to get the room ready. Checking and rechecking files and CRs. Taking inventory of our classroom materials. Dusting and cleaning. Organizing, labeling, creating rules and procedures. Enduring long "helpful" inservice meetings that will make us "better" teachers. We spend three to four hundred dollars buying supplies for our children. (These replace the ones they lose or don't bring at all.) Slaving over the strict demands of our curriculum. Striving to create a lesson plan that anyone could understand and follow. Checking and double checking, "did I hit all the state standards?" Asking ourselves, "Did I create a lesson that teaches to all facets of learning?" "What will I do to reteach those that did not learn it?" Just typing this is making my heart pump faster and my eyes go wide.
And do the kids notice? NO! Do the parents notice? NO! All they care about is, did the teacher get the room looking pretty? As long as the room looks nice...she must be a good teacher!
Seriously. If I took a poll and asked parents: "was your child's teacher 'ready' for the first day of school?" Most would say yes. If I asked them why, they would probably give an answer that had something to do with the aesthetics of the room. If I asked: "Have you ever looked at your child's curriculum?" I bet most would say no. I bet they don't even know there is a curriculum! I wonder if they think we make it up as we go along?
Can you imagine what would happen to our culture if all parents took an interest in their child's learning? Hmmm....I know, I know. Wishful thinking from a frustrated, "I can't believe it's August again" teacher.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
AHHHHH!
(Start humming the Jaws theme song)
School!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!! School starts tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
School!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!! School starts tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Community
Community. Saying this word immediately makes me think of neighbors. Which sends my thoughts spiraling towards Mr. Rogers. Never the less, whenever I thought of this word, or heard someone say it, I never thought to put it with church.
Crossings (my totally rockin place to meet with other Christ followers) was the first "church" that talked about community and what it meant. I was told that community is when others and myself purposely take an interest in each others lives (excuse the poor paraphrasing). It sounded awesome! Where do I sign up?!
Today, I experienced community. And from this experience, it opened my eyes to all the community that had been taking place and I was simply ignorant of it! I can hear you ask, "How did you experience community Carrie?" Good question.
We started this day heading off to the pool. We met people from Kid City there to swim and eat PB&J and hot dogs. It was great! A whole afternoon of swimming and getting to know the people whose children I see every Sunday. I met people that had we been somewhere else, I probably would not have started a conversation with them. How cool that God brings together all kinds of people to be his body!
Then tonight my friends, Erin and Jason...oh yes and my good buddy Eli...came over to my house to mow my lawn. They also fixed supper and brought it with them. Erin and I had fun talking while the kids played outside and on the computer. Jason mowed the lawn and made it look effortless. (How do guys do that?! He didn't even look like he had done anything when he came in. When I mow, I come in all red faced and pass out on the floor next to the box fan!)
Sorry...where was I? Oh yes, the lawn...supper...conversation...it was so awesome! It wasn't that I can't mow the lawn. Can I mow the lawn you ask? Of course, been doing it all summer. But tonight it was done for me, without complaint. There was a smile on Jason's face and he seemed truly happy to do it. I had a need, and he took care of it. Sound familiar? (Read the first couple of chapters in Acts)
I know this will not speak to some of you that read this. And I know that some of you are wondering what the big deal is. I guess this simple act of taking care of something I absolutely hate doing scraped some of the film off my eyes.
(Light bulb) Oh yeah, I remember what Jesus wanted us to be about - each other.
Thanks Jason and Erin!
Crossings (my totally rockin place to meet with other Christ followers) was the first "church" that talked about community and what it meant. I was told that community is when others and myself purposely take an interest in each others lives (excuse the poor paraphrasing). It sounded awesome! Where do I sign up?!
Today, I experienced community. And from this experience, it opened my eyes to all the community that had been taking place and I was simply ignorant of it! I can hear you ask, "How did you experience community Carrie?" Good question.
We started this day heading off to the pool. We met people from Kid City there to swim and eat PB&J and hot dogs. It was great! A whole afternoon of swimming and getting to know the people whose children I see every Sunday. I met people that had we been somewhere else, I probably would not have started a conversation with them. How cool that God brings together all kinds of people to be his body!
Then tonight my friends, Erin and Jason...oh yes and my good buddy Eli...came over to my house to mow my lawn. They also fixed supper and brought it with them. Erin and I had fun talking while the kids played outside and on the computer. Jason mowed the lawn and made it look effortless. (How do guys do that?! He didn't even look like he had done anything when he came in. When I mow, I come in all red faced and pass out on the floor next to the box fan!)
Sorry...where was I? Oh yes, the lawn...supper...conversation...it was so awesome! It wasn't that I can't mow the lawn. Can I mow the lawn you ask? Of course, been doing it all summer. But tonight it was done for me, without complaint. There was a smile on Jason's face and he seemed truly happy to do it. I had a need, and he took care of it. Sound familiar? (Read the first couple of chapters in Acts)
I know this will not speak to some of you that read this. And I know that some of you are wondering what the big deal is. I guess this simple act of taking care of something I absolutely hate doing scraped some of the film off my eyes.
(Light bulb) Oh yeah, I remember what Jesus wanted us to be about - each other.
Thanks Jason and Erin!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Random thoughts...
I'm sitting here in my kitchen, listening to my girls play in their room. I'm trying to collect my thoughts as they bounce around my brain. So maybe if I put them down in cyberspace, they'll settle down so I can sleep.
Here it goes...
1. I just finished paying most of our bills. I once was rich, but now I'm poor. (sigh)
2. I need to go work in my room tomorrow. I start back to work Monday and I NEED to go arrange things in my room so I can start planning. I simply cannot focus on lesson plans if my room is not put together! And, contrary to popular belief, all next week will be spent in meetings from 8 am to 3 pm telling us what we need to do and how we need to do it. Fun, fun everybody - any takers?
3. I received a call today from a friend. She wants to meet for lunch. I really am excited to see her! However, see number 2.
4. Shark week is on and I'm sitting here typing.
5. My grass is so high my dog gets lost in it.
6. I have two light bulbs - that's right TWO- that blew. No big deal right? Wrong. When I took them out to replace them, the light bulb came out, but not the silver thing that screws into the light bulb plug.
How does this happen? And two in a row?!
7. I need to do laundry.
8. I need to clean my house.
9. I need to go to the grocery store. The fridge is looking a little bare. Think Old Mother Hubbard.
10. I need to make a list of all supplies needed for my classroom.
11. I need to make a list of all the tasks I need to do next week. (GROAN!)
12. I need one more week of summer.
13. Only four more weeks until my beloved comes home!
14. I need to make a "honey-do" list for when he comes back. I wonder if he'll be mad about the grass?
Okay, I've got to stop!
Well, that didn't work. Now, not only are the thoughts in order, they are there starring me in the face. Great.
On a total side note, that has nothing to do with anything at all...
Did you know that if you flip a shark over on it's back it becomes comatose? Kinda like Jake.
Here it goes...
1. I just finished paying most of our bills. I once was rich, but now I'm poor. (sigh)
2. I need to go work in my room tomorrow. I start back to work Monday and I NEED to go arrange things in my room so I can start planning. I simply cannot focus on lesson plans if my room is not put together! And, contrary to popular belief, all next week will be spent in meetings from 8 am to 3 pm telling us what we need to do and how we need to do it. Fun, fun everybody - any takers?
3. I received a call today from a friend. She wants to meet for lunch. I really am excited to see her! However, see number 2.
4. Shark week is on and I'm sitting here typing.
5. My grass is so high my dog gets lost in it.
6. I have two light bulbs - that's right TWO- that blew. No big deal right? Wrong. When I took them out to replace them, the light bulb came out, but not the silver thing that screws into the light bulb plug.
How does this happen? And two in a row?!
7. I need to do laundry.
8. I need to clean my house.
9. I need to go to the grocery store. The fridge is looking a little bare. Think Old Mother Hubbard.
10. I need to make a list of all supplies needed for my classroom.
11. I need to make a list of all the tasks I need to do next week. (GROAN!)
12. I need one more week of summer.
13. Only four more weeks until my beloved comes home!
14. I need to make a "honey-do" list for when he comes back. I wonder if he'll be mad about the grass?
Okay, I've got to stop!
Well, that didn't work. Now, not only are the thoughts in order, they are there starring me in the face. Great.
On a total side note, that has nothing to do with anything at all...
Did you know that if you flip a shark over on it's back it becomes comatose? Kinda like Jake.
because my mom said so...
I'm back. (you should be smiling now Jason)
I seriously considered NOT blogging ever again. I was on the verge of deleting it all and walking away.
Why you ask?
Because, who wants to read the ramblings of a 31 year-old mom living in MASCOT, Tennessee? Seriously! Who has time to read this stuff?!
My mom that's who.
So, I'm back. (If you will indulge me this brief comparison...) If my writing is like food...when you come to the table, sometimes you will see PB and J(crust removed of course). Sometimes you will see a full meal complete with dessert. And, sometimes you will see burnt toast.
Bon Appetit!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
What time is it?
Summertime! It's my vacation! (Yes, I own High School Musical one AND two)
Tomorrow is my last day of teaching. I want to say that I'll miss my children, want them again next year, sad to see them leave. That would be a lie. In all truthfulness... I can't wait to see them leave! Can I send them home sooner?! Don't judge me too harshly. Come walk a day in my shoes (size 6 1/2) I am worn out completely. There is nothing left to give but a hug and "have a good summer".
Speaking of summer...a time of renewal and sunblock. I love this time. For six weeks I get to do whatever I want! As long as I don't drive anywhere...gas is too expensive! I am so excited!
Only ten more days until I see my beloved again! I can't wait! I must admit I am a tad nervous. What do you say to someone you've had little (and I mean little) contact with for six weeks? This is not a made for TV movie here. There won't be any orchestra music playing in the background. More than likely I won't recognize him in his uniform. I...I... sigh.
Sometimes I can't get past the little things. They seem silly to say out loud, but they are real fears to me. For example my daughter (I'm not going to name which one in case she ever reads this)
"mom"
"yes dear"
"I don't want to have my tonsils taken out"
"does your throat hurt?"
"No, I just don't want to have them taken out"
"I don't think you need to worry about that right now, I still have mine"
"I know, it's just, I know it will hurt and I don't want to do it"
She was totally worrying about things beyond her control AND things that haven't happened yet or things that might not even happen. I personally think it is silly to worry about having your tonsils taken out, but that was a real fear to her at the time. All I could do was shake my head and wonder why she was so worried.
I don't know what's going to happen when I go to Texas, I have no control over what will happen, it's not even happened yet. Go back to my top ten list and read number nine... I am a worrier.
I wonder if God just looks at me and shakes his head with a small smile. "there goes that Carrie again, worrying about what she can't control. Doesn't she know I AM? Oh child, relax and let me handle it."
Okay Abba.
Tomorrow is my last day of teaching. I want to say that I'll miss my children, want them again next year, sad to see them leave. That would be a lie. In all truthfulness... I can't wait to see them leave! Can I send them home sooner?! Don't judge me too harshly. Come walk a day in my shoes (size 6 1/2) I am worn out completely. There is nothing left to give but a hug and "have a good summer".
Speaking of summer...a time of renewal and sunblock. I love this time. For six weeks I get to do whatever I want! As long as I don't drive anywhere...gas is too expensive! I am so excited!
Only ten more days until I see my beloved again! I can't wait! I must admit I am a tad nervous. What do you say to someone you've had little (and I mean little) contact with for six weeks? This is not a made for TV movie here. There won't be any orchestra music playing in the background. More than likely I won't recognize him in his uniform. I...I... sigh.
Sometimes I can't get past the little things. They seem silly to say out loud, but they are real fears to me. For example my daughter (I'm not going to name which one in case she ever reads this)
"mom"
"yes dear"
"I don't want to have my tonsils taken out"
"does your throat hurt?"
"No, I just don't want to have them taken out"
"I don't think you need to worry about that right now, I still have mine"
"I know, it's just, I know it will hurt and I don't want to do it"
She was totally worrying about things beyond her control AND things that haven't happened yet or things that might not even happen. I personally think it is silly to worry about having your tonsils taken out, but that was a real fear to her at the time. All I could do was shake my head and wonder why she was so worried.
I don't know what's going to happen when I go to Texas, I have no control over what will happen, it's not even happened yet. Go back to my top ten list and read number nine... I am a worrier.
I wonder if God just looks at me and shakes his head with a small smile. "there goes that Carrie again, worrying about what she can't control. Doesn't she know I AM? Oh child, relax and let me handle it."
Okay Abba.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Carrie's top ten list...
So Jake has been gone for about two and a half weeks. Only 15 more to go. SIGH.
This is actually been a semi-good thing. I am learning a lot about myself and God. I feel like God is chipping away at the wall around my heart. He has taken my face in his hands and made me look in His eyes. He has hedged me in. Continually over these past 16 days, God has proven His faithfulness and love to me. You would think I'd be less worried about things.
I am finding out what I am made of. And since it's not much, I'm finding out what I am made of plus a little help from my friends (insert song), and a huge support from my Abba.
Here are the top ten things I am learning about myself:
1. I don't sleep well without Jake.
2. Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.
3. God does not abandon those with tiny faith.
4. Single parenting sucks!!!
5. I am tired!
6. I am strong - sometimes
7. I have incredible family and friends!
8. I love my next door neighbor for buying a riding lawn mower!
9. I am a worrier.
and number 10. I would make a crappy carpenter.
This is actually been a semi-good thing. I am learning a lot about myself and God. I feel like God is chipping away at the wall around my heart. He has taken my face in his hands and made me look in His eyes. He has hedged me in. Continually over these past 16 days, God has proven His faithfulness and love to me. You would think I'd be less worried about things.
I am finding out what I am made of. And since it's not much, I'm finding out what I am made of plus a little help from my friends (insert song), and a huge support from my Abba.
Here are the top ten things I am learning about myself:
1. I don't sleep well without Jake.
2. Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.
3. God does not abandon those with tiny faith.
4. Single parenting sucks!!!
5. I am tired!
6. I am strong - sometimes
7. I have incredible family and friends!
8. I love my next door neighbor for buying a riding lawn mower!
9. I am a worrier.
and number 10. I would make a crappy carpenter.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Jake
Only three more weeks until Jake leaves for the Air Force. I'm not quite sure what to think. I can't wrap my brain around 18 weeks. That is four and a half months! That is half of a gestation period. I have a feeling God and I are about to get very close.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
hmmm...what to write?
Wow! It's been a while since I've posted one of my many brilliant thoughts. I guess it's time for yet another.
Only one more week until Spring Break! This is just one of the many reasons I am a teacher. I love Spring Break! Hopefully the weather will get the memo and not snow during my time off. I think we are going to take the girls camping. This should be fun. I'm sure I'll come back with several good stories from that trip.
So on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, my school will undergo the SACS review. Our school has been working ALL year long getting ready for this team to come in. We have spent countless hours writing a really long book on our school. This book lists all our pros and cons, dreams and asperations, and any kind of statistic you could ever possibly want on our school. We have gift baskets, a room with snacks, and a check (yes that's right we have to pay them) for all of these people. We do all this for a group of five or six people from another county. I'm not going to say which county, but let's just hope they have all their teeth.
We have spent all this time and money so that these people can tell us what a great job we are doing and what areas we need work on. Like we don't already know that! I keep thinking of all this time wasted on writing this book telling them how good we are, could've been spent on, oh I don't know...teaching?!
Only one more week until Spring Break! This is just one of the many reasons I am a teacher. I love Spring Break! Hopefully the weather will get the memo and not snow during my time off. I think we are going to take the girls camping. This should be fun. I'm sure I'll come back with several good stories from that trip.
So on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, my school will undergo the SACS review. Our school has been working ALL year long getting ready for this team to come in. We have spent countless hours writing a really long book on our school. This book lists all our pros and cons, dreams and asperations, and any kind of statistic you could ever possibly want on our school. We have gift baskets, a room with snacks, and a check (yes that's right we have to pay them) for all of these people. We do all this for a group of five or six people from another county. I'm not going to say which county, but let's just hope they have all their teeth.
We have spent all this time and money so that these people can tell us what a great job we are doing and what areas we need work on. Like we don't already know that! I keep thinking of all this time wasted on writing this book telling them how good we are, could've been spent on, oh I don't know...teaching?!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Babies everywhere!
I am surrounded by pregnant people. There are nine people right now, that I know, that are pregnant. Let's list them shall we?!
1. Candice
2. Anonymous (you know who you are)
3. Abigail
4. Megan
5. Melody
6. Amanda
7. Laci
8. Betsy
9. Kristin
I'm going to have to take out a small loan for baby gifts!
It almost makes me want another one. And then I think of the night vomits, the streatch marks, the doctor visits, paper thin gowns and cold exam rooms, the epidural, the long, long labor, the two hours of pushing, the c-section, the stiches and staples, the bleeding for six weeks, the hemroids, the horrid reality that your pre-pregnancy clothes DON"T FIT!!, the rubber stomach, the 2am feedings, the cracked nipples (I know TMI), the diapers, the diaper rashes, the diaper creams, the spit-up, the explosive diapers, the wanting to eat NOW, the shots, the screaming for no reason, what more diapers?!, driving in the car so they fall asleep, their first word (dog), their first steps, their sticky kisses, their unconditional love, their dependence on you, their laugh, their cry, their hugs, their first birthday...
would I do it again?...sure. By choice?...not on your life!
1. Candice
2. Anonymous (you know who you are)
3. Abigail
4. Megan
5. Melody
6. Amanda
7. Laci
8. Betsy
9. Kristin
I'm going to have to take out a small loan for baby gifts!
It almost makes me want another one. And then I think of the night vomits, the streatch marks, the doctor visits, paper thin gowns and cold exam rooms, the epidural, the long, long labor, the two hours of pushing, the c-section, the stiches and staples, the bleeding for six weeks, the hemroids, the horrid reality that your pre-pregnancy clothes DON"T FIT!!, the rubber stomach, the 2am feedings, the cracked nipples (I know TMI), the diapers, the diaper rashes, the diaper creams, the spit-up, the explosive diapers, the wanting to eat NOW, the shots, the screaming for no reason, what more diapers?!, driving in the car so they fall asleep, their first word (dog), their first steps, their sticky kisses, their unconditional love, their dependence on you, their laugh, their cry, their hugs, their first birthday...
would I do it again?...sure. By choice?...not on your life!
Fires, New Yankee Workshop, and Family
There are three things I have recently discovered that I like to do.
One is build a good fire. I'm learning that you have to make sure the wood is cured or it won't burn as well. THis means the wood looks gray. I thought gray wood was bad?! Jake informed me: gray wood good for fires, bad for building houses. Oh....!
The fire has to have crackly wood too. I've discovered pine is good for that. Then you need your giant throw pillows and your hound dog and you're set.
Oh, and another tip I've learned - don't use wet wood. Not even semi-wet wood. If you do, get ready to fan the smoke alarms. I'm not going to point fingers, let's just say we learned that one the hard way. Okay, okay, I learned that one the hard way.
Two is the New Yankee Workshop on the do-it-yourself channel. I love Norm! (or Naum as they pronounce it) I love watching Norm create! He takes these boring pieces of wood (that would not be good to burn - not gray) and creates beautiful shelves, cabinets and houses! He makes it look so easy. Jake enjoys it as well so we have a time that we put the girls in bed and we watch this together. I think Jake likes it because I ask so many questions and he usually knows the answer. (I married a smart man!) It makes him feel good and I get my questions answered - we both win!
Last is family. We have been spending our nights with each other starting at supper and then straight to Wheel of Fortune at 7:00 and Jeopardy at 7:30. We pick teams and then try to beat one another. Last week was Teen Jeopardy. I like those weeks, I feel smart because I can acutally answer some of the questions. Whoo Hoo! It's fun to do, we spend time together, and we learn from the questions. What could be better?
One is build a good fire. I'm learning that you have to make sure the wood is cured or it won't burn as well. THis means the wood looks gray. I thought gray wood was bad?! Jake informed me: gray wood good for fires, bad for building houses. Oh....!
The fire has to have crackly wood too. I've discovered pine is good for that. Then you need your giant throw pillows and your hound dog and you're set.
Oh, and another tip I've learned - don't use wet wood. Not even semi-wet wood. If you do, get ready to fan the smoke alarms. I'm not going to point fingers, let's just say we learned that one the hard way. Okay, okay, I learned that one the hard way.
Two is the New Yankee Workshop on the do-it-yourself channel. I love Norm! (or Naum as they pronounce it) I love watching Norm create! He takes these boring pieces of wood (that would not be good to burn - not gray) and creates beautiful shelves, cabinets and houses! He makes it look so easy. Jake enjoys it as well so we have a time that we put the girls in bed and we watch this together. I think Jake likes it because I ask so many questions and he usually knows the answer. (I married a smart man!) It makes him feel good and I get my questions answered - we both win!
Last is family. We have been spending our nights with each other starting at supper and then straight to Wheel of Fortune at 7:00 and Jeopardy at 7:30. We pick teams and then try to beat one another. Last week was Teen Jeopardy. I like those weeks, I feel smart because I can acutally answer some of the questions. Whoo Hoo! It's fun to do, we spend time together, and we learn from the questions. What could be better?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Listen!
Ever since I've heard of Heath Ledger's death, I've been consumed with finding anything newsworthy about it. It really started to bother me that he died. Then it started started to bother me that it bothered me so much. I don't have any huge fixations on Mr. Ledger, I don't have all his movies, I haven't even watched them all...No, what I think is bothering me is this:He is close to my age, he has a small two-year-old girl, and he wasn't a professing Christ-follower. It really weighs heavy on my heart that he isn't with God. And then broaden the picture to the world at that time. How many others died that day not knowing God? That's it. It's over - final.
It makes one, slow down and take a long look at one's life. And what about those around me. As I go through my day I have this false sense of immortality. "Today is not my day or for anyone around me." Who said? What if tonight was my last night alive. Would I have spent this day differently? Would the things that were "big deals" seem so big. Would I have spent my time exactly the same way?
This seems to be a gray cloud way of thinking. Doom and gloom. A morbid take on life. But I see it more as a filter. This filter can be placed on my brain. This filter could be a positive thing. Do I want these to be my last words to this person? Did I do my best at work today? Did I love others the way Jesus calls me to? Did I just walk through the day or did I dance? Hmmmm....how do other's live without the hope of eternal life? It makes me think of Shakespear (yes, I did listen in high school)
"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts
and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told
by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
Nothing is right. Nothing is what they had and nothing is what they will get. An eternal life away from the one who knew them in their mother's womb. An eternity away from the lover of their souls. WHy didn't they hear it? Why do some people hear God's whisper and some don't? I know about free will... I know people have a choice... I know they know in their hearts....but why are some people born into families that raise them to know the creator and some are not? Who decides? My heart is breaking, how can God stand it?! How can he be quiet and not speak? Would they even listen? Probably not. It makes me want to stand on the street corner and throw Bibles at people.
Listen.
Listen!
LISTEN!
Oh why won't you listen?!
God is calling your name, gently whispering.
Hurts will be healed, lives will be changed, love will be given.
Listen.
A lap is ready for you to crawl onto. An ear is ready to hear. Arms are ready to close in around you. Gentle fingers are ready to wipe your tears.
Listen.
He's saying your name.
There's no anger, no animosity, no accusations. There is only hope, mercy and love.
Peace is woven into his voice. Joy is waiting to be unwrapped.
Open your ears to your creator!
Open and listen, why won't you listen?!
Hear God, hear his voice!
He spoke the stars into being. He knows their names. He created the world with a word. He created you.
He knows your name.
He whispered it to you in your mother's womb. He whispered it to you as you learned to walk. He whispered it as you went to school. He whispered it over you as you slept. He's whispering it now.
Wait!
Do you hear it?!
Shhh... there it is again...shhh....your name...beloved.
I know where I'm going when I breathe my last. I do not fear death. Do I want to die, NO! But knowing that I will see my Abba and be able to worship him, hug him, touch him! WOW! Sometimes my yearning for him is so great, that death is viewed more as a doorway, a final exit, a curtain call.I can't judge Heath or anyone else that has died. Thankfully that's not my job. But it is my job to share this message with others. The message of hope, forgiveness and love. And hopefully in doing so will help someone find their way back to God.
Isn't that what it's all about?
It makes one, slow down and take a long look at one's life. And what about those around me. As I go through my day I have this false sense of immortality. "Today is not my day or for anyone around me." Who said? What if tonight was my last night alive. Would I have spent this day differently? Would the things that were "big deals" seem so big. Would I have spent my time exactly the same way?
This seems to be a gray cloud way of thinking. Doom and gloom. A morbid take on life. But I see it more as a filter. This filter can be placed on my brain. This filter could be a positive thing. Do I want these to be my last words to this person? Did I do my best at work today? Did I love others the way Jesus calls me to? Did I just walk through the day or did I dance? Hmmmm....how do other's live without the hope of eternal life? It makes me think of Shakespear (yes, I did listen in high school)
"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts
and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told
by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
Nothing is right. Nothing is what they had and nothing is what they will get. An eternal life away from the one who knew them in their mother's womb. An eternity away from the lover of their souls. WHy didn't they hear it? Why do some people hear God's whisper and some don't? I know about free will... I know people have a choice... I know they know in their hearts....but why are some people born into families that raise them to know the creator and some are not? Who decides? My heart is breaking, how can God stand it?! How can he be quiet and not speak? Would they even listen? Probably not. It makes me want to stand on the street corner and throw Bibles at people.
Listen.
Listen!
LISTEN!
Oh why won't you listen?!
God is calling your name, gently whispering.
Hurts will be healed, lives will be changed, love will be given.
Listen.
A lap is ready for you to crawl onto. An ear is ready to hear. Arms are ready to close in around you. Gentle fingers are ready to wipe your tears.
Listen.
He's saying your name.
There's no anger, no animosity, no accusations. There is only hope, mercy and love.
Peace is woven into his voice. Joy is waiting to be unwrapped.
Open your ears to your creator!
Open and listen, why won't you listen?!
Hear God, hear his voice!
He spoke the stars into being. He knows their names. He created the world with a word. He created you.
He knows your name.
He whispered it to you in your mother's womb. He whispered it to you as you learned to walk. He whispered it as you went to school. He whispered it over you as you slept. He's whispering it now.
Wait!
Do you hear it?!
Shhh... there it is again...shhh....your name...beloved.
I know where I'm going when I breathe my last. I do not fear death. Do I want to die, NO! But knowing that I will see my Abba and be able to worship him, hug him, touch him! WOW! Sometimes my yearning for him is so great, that death is viewed more as a doorway, a final exit, a curtain call.I can't judge Heath or anyone else that has died. Thankfully that's not my job. But it is my job to share this message with others. The message of hope, forgiveness and love. And hopefully in doing so will help someone find their way back to God.
Isn't that what it's all about?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
My birthday
I forgot to say what my wonderful husband of almost ten years did for me on my birthday! Silly me.
He took me to the Melting Pot (one of my most favorite places to stuff my face) and then surprised me with tickets to see Brad Paisley in Concert!!! Let's pause for a moment to SCREAM LIKE TEENAGE GIRLS!!!
Still screaming...
now we've moved on to jumping up and down, oh wait that hurts too much, okay back to the screaming...
now it's more like, "oh my gosh, oh my gosh...you twit you tricked me! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh"
Okay, whew. Can you tell I like Brad, just an itsy bitsy bit? I just want to hold him and squeeze him and love him for ever!
Yeah for husbands who finally listen to what you want for your birthday! Don't worry newlyweds, it only took ten years.
He took me to the Melting Pot (one of my most favorite places to stuff my face) and then surprised me with tickets to see Brad Paisley in Concert!!! Let's pause for a moment to SCREAM LIKE TEENAGE GIRLS!!!
Still screaming...
now we've moved on to jumping up and down, oh wait that hurts too much, okay back to the screaming...
now it's more like, "oh my gosh, oh my gosh...you twit you tricked me! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh"
Okay, whew. Can you tell I like Brad, just an itsy bitsy bit? I just want to hold him and squeeze him and love him for ever!
Yeah for husbands who finally listen to what you want for your birthday! Don't worry newlyweds, it only took ten years.
Monday, January 14, 2008
The last word
My dog and I are having a bit of a disagreement. He thinks he is the leader of the house and I know that I am. It's really my fault. I've let him be this way, not really knowing I was doing it until I watched - THE DOG WHISPERER. Friends, my eyes have been opened!
Laugh if you want, but this guy is cool! He really knows what he is doing!
So from watching the show, I learn that I am not the pack leader and that I need to be in order for my dog to become more happy in life. (Someone needs to covey that part to Sam. He doesn't seem very happy with all of this.) I have been taking him on walks, going out the door first, making Sam lie down (okay, forcing him to lie down - he eventually relaxes), only giving praise for positive behavior...yadda, yadda, yadda. And he is doing better. So I think to myself, "Ah Ha! I've done it! I am the pack leader!" Sam even let my friends come in Saturday night without barking and was totally okay with them being in the house. It was great! Until tonight.
I have a group of girls that meet at my house on Monday nights. Sam let them in with some barking, but as pack leader I showed him that was not okay. He sniffed them and then went off to eat some food. I was so happy! I had shown him that I was the boss and he listened! The girls and I sat down to start our meeting. We had a new girl and I wanted everyone to introduce themselves and tell a little about themselves for our new friend. While we were talking Sam went under the table. No big deal, right? He goes under the table all the time. Except this time he lifted his leg and pissed all over the floor.
Sam had the last word.
Laugh if you want, but this guy is cool! He really knows what he is doing!
So from watching the show, I learn that I am not the pack leader and that I need to be in order for my dog to become more happy in life. (Someone needs to covey that part to Sam. He doesn't seem very happy with all of this.) I have been taking him on walks, going out the door first, making Sam lie down (okay, forcing him to lie down - he eventually relaxes), only giving praise for positive behavior...yadda, yadda, yadda. And he is doing better. So I think to myself, "Ah Ha! I've done it! I am the pack leader!" Sam even let my friends come in Saturday night without barking and was totally okay with them being in the house. It was great! Until tonight.
I have a group of girls that meet at my house on Monday nights. Sam let them in with some barking, but as pack leader I showed him that was not okay. He sniffed them and then went off to eat some food. I was so happy! I had shown him that I was the boss and he listened! The girls and I sat down to start our meeting. We had a new girl and I wanted everyone to introduce themselves and tell a little about themselves for our new friend. While we were talking Sam went under the table. No big deal, right? He goes under the table all the time. Except this time he lifted his leg and pissed all over the floor.
Sam had the last word.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
So here is it Wednesday night, almost 7:00, and I've finally finished supper. Every day this week I have stayed at school until 7:00 or later. (Yes, kids go sign up for the teacher ed dept. at JBC!) We are going through a process at school called SACS. Southern Accrededation of something schools. I don't know or care. I have come to coin the motto: "SACS sucks!" Not only has it taken over my teacher life, it's leaking over into my home life. My own children did not greet me when I came to the door last night. It's like they didn't know me anymore!
Today I was going to leave at 3:30, yes, 3:30! As I was packing up, my partner on my committee came to the door. I immediately knew from the look on his face that the news was not good. So I simply started to lay my things down and follow him out the door and back to the library. Nuts! Part of me wanted to continue packing my things and walk right by him. "oh were you there? I didn't see you?!" But no, the responsible voice in me demanded that I follow Mike into the library where we proceeded to type more nonsense about our school. DOes anyone really care. Maybe George Bush cares.
On a side note, NCLB was resigned. Yeah. Let's take a moment and remember the good ole days of teaching. Where going to the office meant a sore bottom and when the teacher said, "jump" the kids all asked how high.
Okay, back to my first thoughts...
Finally, at 5:00 I left the school. Exausted and hungry. However, we have decided to forgo any house duties and play Clue Jr. with our children.
Yeah for game night!
Today I was going to leave at 3:30, yes, 3:30! As I was packing up, my partner on my committee came to the door. I immediately knew from the look on his face that the news was not good. So I simply started to lay my things down and follow him out the door and back to the library. Nuts! Part of me wanted to continue packing my things and walk right by him. "oh were you there? I didn't see you?!" But no, the responsible voice in me demanded that I follow Mike into the library where we proceeded to type more nonsense about our school. DOes anyone really care. Maybe George Bush cares.
On a side note, NCLB was resigned. Yeah. Let's take a moment and remember the good ole days of teaching. Where going to the office meant a sore bottom and when the teacher said, "jump" the kids all asked how high.
Okay, back to my first thoughts...
Finally, at 5:00 I left the school. Exausted and hungry. However, we have decided to forgo any house duties and play Clue Jr. with our children.
Yeah for game night!
Monday, January 7, 2008
31 bottles of beer on the wall...
Okay, so today was my first full day of being 31. Not too bad. The sun was shining. I still have all my hair. No new wrinkles. No gray hair (knock on wood). I guess I CAN do this whole thirty and older thing!
Now that I think about it...I was a little tired today. Matter of fact, it's 8:15 p.m. and I want to go to bed. My back hurt a little today from sitting in the chair for a long time at school. And when I sat down on the floor, it was a little bit harder to get back up.
Crap. I'm old.
(SIGH)
Now that I think about it...I was a little tired today. Matter of fact, it's 8:15 p.m. and I want to go to bed. My back hurt a little today from sitting in the chair for a long time at school. And when I sat down on the floor, it was a little bit harder to get back up.
Crap. I'm old.
(SIGH)
Friday, January 4, 2008
Cowboys for Christ
Tonight I went line dancing at a certain country western dance place. It was fun until they strayed from the country genre of music and tried a little AC/DC and Bon Jovi. I felt remenicent of high school. I expected to see Paul and Winston dancing around the floor headbanging and playing air guitar. (love you two!)
During the 90s montage, I was able to look around me and people watch. There were some sad characters hanging out there tonight.
There was the single old lady who sat alone. The single old man trying to get single old woman's attention. There was the single, in her 40s, woman looking for the hook up. There were 20 year old boys and girls, all gyrating certain body parts to the music (ummm....that music was out before you were born.) There was drunk guy and girl, groping and making out - gross! There were the "cowboys" with their big belt buckles and even bigger hats. There was the Inspector Cluso (Pink Panther) in his silk shirt, black pants, and shiny black shoes. (I know before he came he looked in the mirror, pointed to himself and said, "I look good!")
So many people, so much pain. It kinda ruined the moment of fun. Some of these people are there everytime I go. Is this what they do? Is this their church? I felt bad....they all have no hope. Sigh. Maybe I could start a mission for cowboys. Cowboys for Christ?
During the 90s montage, I was able to look around me and people watch. There were some sad characters hanging out there tonight.
There was the single old lady who sat alone. The single old man trying to get single old woman's attention. There was the single, in her 40s, woman looking for the hook up. There were 20 year old boys and girls, all gyrating certain body parts to the music (ummm....that music was out before you were born.) There was drunk guy and girl, groping and making out - gross! There were the "cowboys" with their big belt buckles and even bigger hats. There was the Inspector Cluso (Pink Panther) in his silk shirt, black pants, and shiny black shoes. (I know before he came he looked in the mirror, pointed to himself and said, "I look good!")
So many people, so much pain. It kinda ruined the moment of fun. Some of these people are there everytime I go. Is this what they do? Is this their church? I felt bad....they all have no hope. Sigh. Maybe I could start a mission for cowboys. Cowboys for Christ?
Thursday, January 3, 2008
My husband and the Air Force
So my husband wants to become part of the army of one. Oh wait, that's for the army. Ummm... Force of one?
Anyway, his brother has convinced him that the Air Force National Guard is the only way to go. Jake is, shall we say, a Jack-of-all-trades. He is too smart to stay focused on one thing. He loves to aquire knowledge and is always trying new things. It is one of the many things I like about him. Jake has wanted to go into the armed services ever since I've met him. The last time he mentioned it to me, I had just had our first child. This is how the conversation went down.
J: "Hey sweetheart!"
C: (sigh) "what do you want?"
J: "Well I was just thinking about joining the army and..."
C: "NO!"
J: "I'll get to travel and earn money."
C:"And die"
J: "I won't die. There's not even a war going on." (The 2nd Gulf war started like two weeks later)
C: "Do you love me?"
J: "Of course"
C: "Then no!"
J: "But..."
C: "If you do, I'll be gone when you get back"
J: (BIG DRAMATIC SIGH)"Fine"
This time I tried the "supportive wife" role. Now with promises of money, glory and all that other crap they feed you, he is off to talk to a recruiter tomorrow. Of course the wife isn't allowed to come. At least that's what has been told to me via the husband. Personally, I think he's afraid to take me. I might actually ask a question - oooooh scary.
I have had to ask myself two tough and personal questions.
Can I support him in this? Yes.
Will I be okay if he dies? (did he take out the maximum in insurance?) Yes.
I think God has been showing me that I will be okay without Jake. Do I love him? Of course! Is he my life? No. That has been a hard transition. You see from the time I've been able to remember, I've had this idea that a husband was going to be the answer to all of lifes problems. You need help? Ask your husband. Flat tire? Husband can change it. Money issues? Your husband can help. Questions about life? Ask your husband. Need someone to love you? Get a husband. Need fullfillment spiritually? Get a husband. Need your physical needs met? Husband.
I know that sounds silly. As I write the words, I can't believe them myself. But it's true! I looked to Jake to fullfill all my needs. Then when that didn't turn out so well (I'll save all that for another post) I looked to myself.
Yes, I went from one loser to another.
By the time I finally realized that I am no better than Jake (hard, HARD lesson) and that God was who I needed to look to, Jake was back around with the whole joining of the Air Force thing.
So, long story longer, because Jake is not my end all, I can be at peace with him in the military. Will I be happy all the time? - No way! But at least I know in my heart of hearts that I will be taken care of. God will supply all my needs!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
New year - same me, sorta
I have found myself up late several nights in a row. So what's a gal to do? I know! Join the newest fad - blogging!
At first I thought what a great way to convey myself to others. But, do I really want that? I don't know. I may say things that offend. I might say things that will get me laughed at. I may say something profound - okay probably not, but dang it I'll try. All I have are thirty years experience under my belt. So, well see where I go.
Let's see. 2008 - wow! I didn't even bother making resolutions. I'll only break them. Matter of fact if I were on a diet, it would have been broken....ummmm....January 1st at 12:01 a.m. Ooops!
I'm still me on the outside. I look in the mirror and the same old gal stares back. She is getting a few more wrinkles, no gray yet (yes!). Her face is a tad more round and the circles are still dark under her eyes. When she smiles the crows feet streach past her eyebrows. Lines on her forehead show where she's frowned at many a child. There are a few faint scars from the battle of acne (thank you hormones) Her eyes are still blue and still sparkle when she laughs. Sigh...yep I'm still the same person.
Do people actually read these things? Anywho. I'm excited to say I'm changing on the inside! I've wrestled with the whole Jesus issue - I still am. Thus the name Jacob's twin. (Ahhh lightbulb) If you don't get it, don't ask. He is changing me as much as I'll let go. I am very stubborn. Maybe I should've given myself the name "stubborn ass". He is teaching me some very HARD lessons. For some reason I seemed to skip all those scriptures about loving EVERYONE, not just my friends. And what does that truly look like? Yikes...we'll takle that later.
I am very synnical in nature (and I can't spell - so what) I hope that doesn't offend. Seriously people read these things?! I have found I like to cuss. Bad habit, but oh it can be so much fun. Cussing is an art. You have to know when and how to use them. You can't use a cuss word in every sentence. They are the cherry on the sundae. Sorry, random thought. I do that sometimes.
Okay enough for now.
At first I thought what a great way to convey myself to others. But, do I really want that? I don't know. I may say things that offend. I might say things that will get me laughed at. I may say something profound - okay probably not, but dang it I'll try. All I have are thirty years experience under my belt. So, well see where I go.
Let's see. 2008 - wow! I didn't even bother making resolutions. I'll only break them. Matter of fact if I were on a diet, it would have been broken....ummmm....January 1st at 12:01 a.m. Ooops!
I'm still me on the outside. I look in the mirror and the same old gal stares back. She is getting a few more wrinkles, no gray yet (yes!). Her face is a tad more round and the circles are still dark under her eyes. When she smiles the crows feet streach past her eyebrows. Lines on her forehead show where she's frowned at many a child. There are a few faint scars from the battle of acne (thank you hormones) Her eyes are still blue and still sparkle when she laughs. Sigh...yep I'm still the same person.
Do people actually read these things? Anywho. I'm excited to say I'm changing on the inside! I've wrestled with the whole Jesus issue - I still am. Thus the name Jacob's twin. (Ahhh lightbulb) If you don't get it, don't ask. He is changing me as much as I'll let go. I am very stubborn. Maybe I should've given myself the name "stubborn ass". He is teaching me some very HARD lessons. For some reason I seemed to skip all those scriptures about loving EVERYONE, not just my friends. And what does that truly look like? Yikes...we'll takle that later.
I am very synnical in nature (and I can't spell - so what) I hope that doesn't offend. Seriously people read these things?! I have found I like to cuss. Bad habit, but oh it can be so much fun. Cussing is an art. You have to know when and how to use them. You can't use a cuss word in every sentence. They are the cherry on the sundae. Sorry, random thought. I do that sometimes.
Okay enough for now.
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