favorite song #456

I have so many favorite songs.  This one is from Rich Mullins.  

Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin 

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace 

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

my FOUR promises.

Life is all about ups and downs.  There are bumps in the road and points of divided roads (and I chose the one less traveled).  Moments of triumph and moments of failure.  It seems that as I look back over my short life I see more moments of struggle than anything else.  I don't begin to compare my life to anyone else in this world.  I can only look at my 33 years and no one else.  Over my life I have had promises made and promises broken.  I have struggled the most with one promise in particular. 

I have begged this person to give me my promise back.  I have struggled and wrestled with my inability to understand why this promise has been withheld from me.  After two years of this fight I finally gave it to my Abba.  Funny, but this struggle was again met head on at a small group.  My belief in God working through others is renewed and strengthened!   I would not bring my desire of renewed promises to this person again.  If the subject is brought up it would be from God working in this person. 

At church we are studying Exodus.  One teaching mentioned the Passover meal and the four cups and how they are drunk in remembrance of God's four promises to the Israelites.  One cup for each promise.   My attention was grabbed at the word promise.  As I sat there and listened to the promises being read I couldn't get past the word promise.

"I will bring you out"
"I will rescue you"
"I will redeem you"
"I will take you as my own people"

As the promises were read again we were asked to repeat them.  As I said them I began to weep.  There are moments when the Spirit speaks to our souls.  This was one of those moments.  As I sat there and cried the Spirit whispered the promises to me, surrounding me with his grace. 

Carrie, I will bring you out of this...you already have.
Carrie, I will rescue you...I need rescuing.
Carrie, I will redeem you...Thank you Jesus!
Carrie, I will take you as my own...grace undeserved, relentlessly pursued, I don't understand but I will accept

As I was thinking about this promise made to me...it hit me.  Not only did God give me my promise I so desired...he gave me four.

it's the little things

Every month I receive flowers from my husband.  To some (mostly men) this seems like a waste of time and money.  It makes me feel loved and thought of.  (Isn't that what we women want?)  Jake usually waits until the last day of the month to get me flowers...I don't care what day it is...I love getting them!  

Being the good wife that I am, I had resigned myself to fact that I wasn't going to receive any flowers this month.  (Seeing how Jake has no access to the internet or money AND he is 300 miles away, I figured this month, I'd cut him some slack.) 

Friday, during my reading group time, my Curriculum Coach walks into my  room holding a huge box.  It was a white and purple flower box!  My hands trembled as I opened the box.  Inside were some of the most beautiful roses I have ever seen!  Pink, yellow and orange blossoms were nestled inside the box next to a card.  Tears immediately filled my eyes as I read the note attached:  "I didn't forget". 

I am so lucky.

(clear your throat)

Hear ye!  Hear ye!

Let it be known....we are at the half-way point until Jake returns!

Children are still alive...grass has been mowed...lunches packed...dishes done...laundry folded...chickens fed.

Only three more weeks to go!

Oh ye of little faith

I have been up since two o'clock in the morning.  My body has laid in bed, my mind has been racing, trying to go through all that must be accomplished this week.  The cherry on top was the fact that my dogs had a vet appointment today and I only have $90 in the bank as of last night, at midnight.  Let me explain this quandary...

I get paid on the 25th of each month.  Not bad, if you plan and budget.  It usually gets tight towards the last week, not unusual.  These past two months we've been paid on the 20th.  So, one would naturally assume this month we would get paid on the 20th. 

Nope.

So, I've had one extra week of no check.

But Carrie, you remind me, you have a savings. 

Yeah, we DID have one.  Jake took most of it getting ready for officer's school.  (Did you hear that really DEEP sigh I just sighed?)

So, I'm back to no money and a vet appointment.  I decide that I'm gonna have to reschedule.  When?  I have no idea.  So, I get up out of bed, fix some coffee, grab the calendar and phone and look up the vet's number.  Something, rather someone, prompts me to look at my bank again.  I do so knowing how futile this was going to be and I would only further my depression by looking.  But, the feeling would not go away so, I looked up my account online.

HOLY COW!  Where did that money come from?!  The Air Force paid Jake?!  Today?!  But the Air Force only pays Jake on the 15th and 30th of every month.  Unless I'm Rip Van Winkle, it's neither of those days.

I cry.  I praise my God.  I cry some more.

I guess the military does answer to a higher power.

Now, I'm at peace and the dogs will get their shots. 

Thanks Abba.

okay God...lead the way!

So I've been meeting with group of women for over a year now.  I love my small group very much.  However, it's exactly that...small.  For sometime now I've been feeling the tug to talk to my friends and share exactly what is on my heart.  Basically what I said was, "What we have is good, but I think we can be better."

I decided to take the plunge and share with them my thoughts on opening up our small group to women God lays on our hearts.  I can already think of a few.  I felt myself grow nervous as I laid before them my idea on expanding our group.  I held my breath as I looked at them.  What I saw in their eyes and on their faces caused my heart to beat a thousand times faster!  They too agreed that we need to open our hearts and our group to the women of this community.

My dream is a group where people feel safe to wrestle with God.  (Thus my name: Jacob's Twin   Hmmmm....foreshadowing?  Maybe?!)  I want women to know they are welcome and no matter what is going on in their lives, they're not alone.  AND, if they want to change...we are there to walk beside them. 

I have no idea how this is all going to go down.  I know what I WANT it to look like, but I am praying God's hand will direct all of this madness.  I just need to keep pointing to Him and the rest will fall into place.

We have decided to meet on Monday's at six.  The topic of conversation will vary.  We are going to start with "What does the Bible have to say about..." and let the women fill in the blanks.  Then, we'll pick a topic, wrestle with it, ask questions, answer a few and then close with a prayer time.  As I type this is sounds too crazy and unorganized.  Who can work in this mess?!  Hopefully God will choose to!

I'll keep you posted.

The ice cream man

I love fall weather! During this season, I can open my windows and feel the cool breeze as it blows through my house. The downside to opening my house is that you hear every single sound emitted outside.

Everyday around four o'clock a familiar sound fills my house. It starts off as a distant whisper and soon becomes so loud you feel as though whatever is making the noise is there, right beside you, in the house! What is that sound you ask?

The ice cream man!

The music that is blared from his loudspeakers is so horrendous, it cause small animals and children to hide. The screeching, grating "da-dah, dum, dee, dum" that is repeated over and over and over makes the listener wish their ears would fall off! Then as the music takes a pause there is an automated voice that calls out, "Hello!" And then we listeners are off on another round of, for lack of better terms, a musical serenade.

Not only does he play this music, driving 5 miles an hour through our neighborhood, oh no my friend...he stops right in front of my house and sits for 4 or 5 minutes. It's like he knows the torment I experience as he parks himself in front of my house. Honestly, I know he's hoping Emma and Abbie will purchase an ice cream. And as they stop playing (for how can one play with such racket attacking the ears?) to stare at his truck, then glance at me, then back at the truck, then back at me. I know they are wishing and hoping, that today will be the day mom says "yes" to ice cream. I can feel their unified thought as it crosses the yard and encircles me, "Come on mom, it's only $3.00 an ice cream cone! Don't you love us? The other kids are doing it!"

I just shake my head and walk back into the house. Not on your life ice cream man!

Not on your life.