up on the mountain

Yesterday Jake and I became involved in a very heating argument. Over something that wasn't worth screaming at each other over. At the end of the argument I was in tears and he was walking away. Not good. I suddenly felt the urge to leave the house. I'll admit that at first, my motives were not pure. I wanted to leave to show control. However, in true God fashion he would soon take my impure motives and use them for good.

I quickly changed into shorts and a tank top then threw on my hiking shoes. I was going on a long walk. Up to the top of House Mountain. (More like giant hill but...potato - poe-ta-toe) I was going to take my dog, climb that mountain and show Jake who was in control. I grabbed my backpack, threw in a couple of protein bars and waters and headed out into the wild blue yonder.

Five miles down the road and five minutes later I was pulling into a parking space. My prayer was that as I walked the trail, God would enlighten me. How did our simple conversation go from a conversation to a screaming match? Why did I loose control so easily? How could I phrase my words better so that Jake would understand what I was trying to say? How could I understand Jake better? you get the drift. What can "I" do to fix this?

At first I was moving rather quickly through the woods. I was still angry and frustrated. I wanted answers right away and God was being very silent about the whole matter. I raced past the trees, flowers and bushes. I failed to notice the blackberries, tall grass and small insects making their homes. As the trail became increasingly harder to climb, I found myself pausing for breath. In those moments of stopping I was forced to look around me. I started "seeing" what was around me. Nature in it's wildest form. It should've been chaos. So many different types of trees, flowers, animals, insects and plants. Instead it was quiet. I turned on my iPod and started heading back up the mountain.

As I hiked, I became more focused on each step in front of me and less on what I had left behind at my house. I had planned on figuring it all out as I hiked. Instead I forgot and simply walked. One step at a time to the top.

Once I reached the top, I was excited to see a giant rock upon which I could sit and rest. The view was absolutely breath taking! I sat and watched a large bird soar around in the sky. I listened to the insects sing. I felt the breeze, a true gift from God. While I sat there I realized that by the time I had reached the top, those things that "mattered" didn't matter so much anymore. I did feel the tug to apologize for my unkind words and I did think of a better way to phrase my thoughts so they would become more clear. I still think I'm right about some of the issues. But, for just a few minutes I was able to slow down and rest. Just me and God. On the top of a mountain. Then I hiked back down to the valley.

I think, though, that if we didn't have our valleys, we wouldn't enjoy our mountain top experiences.